Upward I look, and see Him there.

Christ is many things--but above all, He's a healer. I normally get personal but remain sort of detached in this blog. I tend to write about things that every Christian goes through at some point, and a lot of the time I write to people who may not know Christ and have somehow found this blog and are wondering. The point of this all is...here's where it gets personal.

Since I was thirteen I have suffered from what is known as General Anxiety disorder. For the longest time, I didn't know what it was, and thought it was totally normal to feel insecure and alone. By the time I was fifteen it escalated into depression--and it lasted until I was eighteen. I had days where I didn't even want to get of bed. I became so good at hiding what was wrong on the inside that my friends and family couldn't tell that there was anything wrong. At one point, I wanted to take my own life. I almost did at one point. For the longest time I couldn't place what made me think there might be something worth living for. I didn't know Christ, and I felt that since the world had cast me aside, God did as well. I know now that's a complete lie, but when you're suffering from depression, you're not in your right mind. I know now that it is only by the grace of God that I stand today. Had it not been for Him reaching out and pulling me back from the brink, I cringe to think where I would be.

When it comes to depression, you can come out of it, but it never really goes away. The scar I have is this stupid anxiety disorder. I have days where I can physically make myself sick. It consumes me without warning sometimes. I think people I love hate me. I can't trust people. I read into everything people say to me. I feel so alone.  I become more withdrawn, and I even shut God out. The enemy has me believe that my prayers are hollow, and God doesn't hear them. Until recently, my anger with God was so strong I could barely stand it myself. I was scaring myself. I was so sick of being hurt, being rejected, and feeling horrible for thinking, acting, and feeling a certain way. That's still a work in progress, but through my own weakness, God has made His presence known and told me who He is--and who I am.

I am His.

When I feel abandoned, alone, rejected, and despised, I am reminded that Christ suffered in the same way as I have. He's carrying me through this life, because I can no longer walk on my own. Why would I want to? He's taken up our infirmities so that we don't have to. He took the punishment so that I don't have to suffer in the manner that I've put myself through. It's taken me being flat on my face, this time the worst, to realize what Love really is.


Love is helping somebody pick up the pieces when everything comes crashing down; love is caring for somebody when it seems like nobody else does; love is friends who have the same Father and want what's best for you (Him); love is Jesus Christ. Apart from Christ, we have/are/can do NOTHING. To anybody who might be suffering, I, Daniel, want to tell you that there is hope, there is rest, and there is love. You don't need to suffer with the pain. Satan wants you believe that lie. He wants you to feel trapped, worthless, and unworthy. Through all of this, I know that I'll be carried by a Father who refuses to let me go. It's not going to be easy at times, but why should I have any fear? The Lord is my light and my salvation--nothing will come against me.

I am living proof that it is all a lie. Don't believe it. As it says in God's word...ο θεος αγαπη εστιν. o Theos agape estin. God is love. He's waiting--go to your Daddy. He'll never leave you.