In one of those little sayings, it says "I still believe in God, even when He is silent." Is it bad of me to have days where I do believe in God, but seriously doubt his belief in me? I'm living out a clash between my plans and His plans for me, and it's literally tearing me apart. It's in more than just one way--and I hate it. So much. I'm having days where all I want to do is stay in bed and just let the world pass me by. I'm reminded of a hamster on a wheel--running nonstop to achieve an ever elusive goal. People always talk about being open with God, and that's something we always need to be comfortable with. God knows how we feel and are thinking anyway, so we should be able to tell Him anything.
So, why this apprehension? Wish I knew. I also wish it was easy for me to just detach myself from God and do it my way--but it's physically impossible. I just wish that God's plan would reveal itself sometime soon, because this uncertainty is driving me insane. It's like I'm in a crowded room screaming at the top of my lungs for somebody to help me and nobody seems to hear. Everybody keeps telling me to do what makes me happy--and serving the One who makes me happy has chosen now to be silent. Splendid.
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