How Can I Stand Here With You...

God does quite literally live in a million places, but at the same time the place he resides the most is near to us. People spend so much time searching for God or searching for a way to "experience God" that they neglect Him when He's right in front of us. People spend so much time searching for something they think is so ornate and distant, when in reality, majesty is in simplicity. He's wanted (and continues to want) to be with us at all times, but when we can't look past ourselves, we lose sight of God.

He never loses sight of us. Ever.

What kills me is when we become so wrapped up in thinking about our own happiness, or what we think makes us happy, that we turn to self destruction because nothing can satisfy. I've experienced firsthand what happens when we search for happiness in our own ways and this corrupted world lets us down time and time again. It poisons us to the point where we don't recognize ourselves. It clouds our vision and makes us think we're ugly and unworthy. Being dragged down into self loathing, depression, suicide, and hatred isn't pretty. People who talk about it like it's nothing don't have a clue what it's really like. Having been there, it's something that I wouldn't wish on anybody.

Thankfully, there's always one hand reaching out in what seems like never ending darkness. When we want to be pulled from this, that hand pulls us with the might of the Uncreated One and holds back all evil, hurt, pain, loss, and suffering. Thinking back, it almost seems like the darkness was never going to be beaten. I had gotten to the point where I began to settle--accepting that life would just be like this. Then God spoke to me. I'd heard people talk about it so many times, but I had never known what it was like to hear God. When I heard Him, it was so distinct, so clear that there is no arguing who was speaking to me. It was a voice that was love, grace, mercy, and more things than I can put into words. My prayer for everybody who might read this is that if they are lost in the dark--CRY OUT. There is someone waiting for you through everything, and I truly hope that everybody comes to Him.