I don't need human approval. I don't need to do things for recognition. Why have people become so trapped in this mindset to seek the approval of others? Did Christ do the same thing? Well, obviously not; He's the Messiah. My point is this: Jesus did what he knew He was sent to Earth to do, so why do we constantly run around seeking the approval of mere people, instead of the Father who created us?

I don't want to go to grad school. I don't want to have a job that requires me to sit somewhere and do mundane travails that make me resent everything and hate my life. I don't want to EXIST, I want to live. I shouldn't be forced into a box like those before me felt they had to be--this life was given to me for a reason, and to whom much is given, much is required. I want to be a youth pastor, I want to help teens who have ever felt alone, abandoned, unworthy, ugly, unwanted, vulerable--those who were me at one point in my life. Nobody should have to go through the hell that I went through for so long. They need to know there is true love and life in Christ Jesus. Without Him, we have nothing. Everything in this world can and will fade and waste away, but his love is something eternal. We can't lose it to illness, divorce, He'll never abandon us or ignore us.

I say all this...but I don't feel that strong a lot of the time. I even cave and seek approval of others for the most trivial things. I feel like every day is a constant fight to follow what I know is planned for me, or taking the easy way out and seeking what other people think I should do. Sometimes I feel like a stranger in my own home--if I didn't believe what I believed, would it be different? If I acted differently, would I not be ignored? If I just took everything that was hurled at me and did what I was told and fell in line with other drones of life, would things be better? I don't know why it matters; it really shouldn't. I have the love of a Father who knew me before I was known, who made me in His image, who loves me more than anything.