Even after all these years, it's sometimes hard to hake old mindsets. I spent a majority of my life hating who I was. I never felt that I was good enough, I didn't look a certain way; I didn't dress a certain way; I wasn't fit the rich, popular kid niche. Even when I did fit into that clique, it sucked. I was still miserable and spent all of my time making fun of others and tearing them down to cover my own misery. I even called people on the very thing I did. Honestly. If I came face to face with my sixteen, seventeen, or even eighteen year old self...I'd hate me. There was nothing in me worth anything.

So even now that Christ filled that hole in my life and gave me new life, I still find it hard to shake that mindset. I spent so much of my life alone that even now I feel alone, unwanted, miserable, and not good enough. I'm such a dipwad. Even when I feel this way it takes me a while to remember I'm unique (...that's a certainty.) and that nobody else is like me. Even when I feel like crap or when I'm not good enough at things like my friends...it doesn't matter. I don't need glory, I don't need popularity, I need what I found on November 2007. From what I can see, eternal life and love from Jesus is a far better prize than popularity on this earth or notoriety for something stupid.