I want to just make everything go away. If I could fast forward through this part of my life, I'd put it on the 16x speed and fly through it. I feel so 'located' and yet so lost at the same time. In the big picture, where I am is right, but what lies ahead round the corner and later is such a blur. So much in me wants to just quit going and give up. There's so much not going right in my life right now-school, yet again, feels irrelevant to what I want to do, work is horrible, my money disappears, and I'm at that point where I feel the struggle against my emerging adulthood and the usual "guiding forces" in my life on this earth. It's not fun. Through my own sinful nature and selfishness, I feel so disconnected from God sometimes. It's when I get like this that I realize how much it sucks and stop the walls from going up again. I'm never going back to who I was; never. I'm loved by an amazing Father who will never leave me or forsake me, even when I get this way. Even when I don't deserve anything but a smack upside the head; even when I throw it in His face...he still loves me. Everything is taken care of, including what tomorrow holds. He's there. I don't have to have my head there worrying about it.

You are the author of knowledge
You can redeem what's been done
You hold the present and all that's to come
until Your everlasting kingdom

Lord I don't know where all this is going
or how it all works out
lead me to peace that is past understanding
a peace beyond all doubt

You are the God of tomorrow
turning the darkness to dawn
Lifting the hopeless with hope to go on
You are the rock of all salvation

Lord I don't know where all this is going
or how it all works out
lead me to peace that is past understanding
a peace beyond all doubt

Oh Lord You are the author
redeeming what's been done
You hold us in the present
and all that is to come

Oh Lord You are the author
redeeming what's been done
You hold us in the present
and all that is to come

Lord we don't know where all this is going
or how it all works out
lead us to peace that is past understanding
a peace beyond all doubt

-Newsboys "Lord I Don't Know" Thrive, 2002.