"I think you're okay, but..."

Okay, so I'll be brutally honest here--I have a really hard time with other Christians. It is a struggle for me to often see things from another's perspective, and from that I have a difficult time with loving them. That isn't a good thing! Why, you may ask, would I be broadcasting that (especially since I'm studying to become a missionary)? In the eyes of some, I may as well put a big sign on my forehead that says "jerk." The answer is perfectly simple: because Scripture commands us to share in our struggles. This one, I feel, is especially relevant to today's world and will strike something in the hearts of more than one would think.

 Even though I grew up in the Church, I didn't actually give my life up to Christ until I was 19. Before then, I saw a lot of hypocrisy, a lot of hurt, and a lot of people who lived their lives by hatred of the "other" instead of by the love that Christ commanded us to have. After I became a Christian, I lived under the naive assumption (briefly) that because I was a Christian and was committed to loving and serving God, I wouldn't face any kinds of trials from my brothers and sisters. Oh how wrong I was. I was lied to, deceived in other ways, made to feel less-than because my views didn't "line up" with others; while working at church I never had any indication of how well or poorly I was doing my job--until it was dumped on someone else to tell me that the church didn't think it was wise for me to continue as youth director. Wow. When I was accepted into a scholarship program at my seminary, I had a member of my church tell me to look out in the crowd next time I was "up there singin'" and think about how many people were on a fixed income--as if to say "nobody wants to help you with school." When asking for support to go on mission trips to the Dominican Republic, I'm repeatedly ignored. I can't count the number of times I sat in on prayer meetings and listened to people ramble on about how Never mind the fact there are many wealthy people in my congregation. Did these people really care about me? Did they actually care about Jesus?! I asked myself that a lot. I still find myself asking that when I come home--and it finally hit me how scary a thought that is. To think that way is to pass judgment on a brother or sister (a judgment I decry all the time).

 The point of listing all of these things is NOT to throw myself a pity party. I had enough of that on my own while all of these things were actually going on. The point of listing these, along with starting off with my biggest struggle, is to highlight two things: 1) that Christ has told us if we are to love Him, we are to love His Church; and 2) even amidst these struggles and hurts, grace abounds in such a great multitude (for me, as well as for the others). During a sermon regarding the Church my pastor once said "claiming to follow Jesus but disliking His Church is like someone coming to me and saying 'I think you're great, but I can't stand your wife.'" I will remember that sermon until I die--to let our past experiences continue to color our perception of Christ's Body holds me back from engagement and fellowship with the Body. If I buy into all the emotions that past hurts give, then evil's already won.

It's so easy for us to fall into a self-centered trap and want the hurts and wrongs in our lives to be made right--and it's even more important that those who wronged us know it! Right? WRONG. Truth is, if we're holding out for that apology, then we're the ones losing out. We need to surrender to the freedom that Christ has given us through his death and resurrection and live in only that all day, every day. When I am reminded of the people who have wronged me in the Church, instead of sinking into a whiny tirade, I force myself to think of Christ as he was beaten, mocked, and tortured before his crucifixion. He died for those people just as much as He died for me--all out of love. That hits hard. Jesus Christ, Son of God, died for these awful people with just as much love for them as He has for me, a child of His?! How can that be?!

Children of God need to have a love for one another that surpasses all things--especially when they've been wronged. If we lose that ability to love, we're nothing more than a bunch of gossipping, spiteful teenagers only looking out for themselves (sorry teens). I believe there are many more people who are struggling with the same thing I am--and it's okay. If we don't admit our struggle and accept our own selfishness when dealing with hurts, we're never going to fully experience God's grace in this matter. The very fact that I'm at a seminary is evidence of God's grace working. I almost didn't come here at all because I didn't want to "be part of a wider institution that turns out horrible people." Since coming here, I've experienced a Body of Christ that has the capacity to love, accept, and challenge my faith in ways that God knew I needed.

In this day and age, as the waves crash around us and things in our world change, do we get all offended and withdraw from each other and the world? NO. We overlook the pain as Christ did and love them a full heart. If we aren't loving each other fully, how in the world do we expect to follow Jesus? Truth be told, we can't. It's in pursuing Him and His love and grace that He teaches us how to love like Him. The Church needs to start with itself, and in turn show that love to everybody (yes, I mean everybody, regardless of who they are, where they come from, who they love, or who they pray to). As Paul said, if we have not love, we have nothing. That's just as true today as it was when he wrote the letter to the Corinthians back in the first century.

Let's pursue Christ above all things, and love His Church as He loves it. I'll be thinking on that every time someone tells me by word or action that I'm not worth their time, my views are wrong, or I'm the dreaded "L" word (liberal...go figure). Whatever is thrown your way, love. Love as Christ loves you. You'll be amazed at just how far-reaching His grace is, and how much further it can go in this.